Dear Zoe,
Last night you gave me all the feels and I wanted to capture it so I don't ever forget.
In the past 5 years of your life, I've taken a lot of pride in how involved I've been as a dad. Born during the lock-downs of COVID, we established an early bond given how much time we got together. Surprisingly, that early bond shifted my mindset for the first time in my life. I then finally understood why people might "work to live" instead of "live to work" because they had something else more important vying for their attention.
Whether its been volunteering at your school, reading you bed time stories each night, teaching you how to read, hiking with you every weekend, having you as my sous chef as I cook dinner, to so many other little things, we've found ways to connect deeply each and every day to build our special bond.
But recently I got an incredible professional opportunity. I've been teaching courses on product management with Reforge for several years now and I came to believe there was a unique opportunity to now showcase how AI was transforming the role of product management. So I discussed it with Reforge and we decided to move forward with a new course on the topic. The one caveat? The course had to be ready for the mid-April Spring cohort, making it an absolute death march to get there. Your mom and I talked it over and we agreed this was a great opportunity, so we decided that I'd roll up my sleeves to write the course and mom would take on more of the child care responsibilities.
Overall I felt like things were going well. It was of course stressful, but I was loving the intellectual challenge and I still got a chance to read you a book every night before bed.
But last night, I was sitting on my computer doing some work while you were talking to mom. You were showing her your drawing from school today. From what I overheard, it sounded like a typical drawing of your family. But then mom asked you about it. You pointed out your drawing of yourself and then you pointed out your drawing of mommy. Mom then asked, "but where is daddy?" You then flipped the page over and showed a little picture of daddy on the back of the page and said "that's daddy, he is busy working."
My heart sank. Never before had you drawn a family picture without me. Never before had you said the words "daddy is busy working." Never before had I viscerally felt the trade-off I was making between my career and my time with you. My heart raced as I remembered the missed opportunities over the past month to drop you off at school, the missed daddy math lessons you loved so much, the missed chances for you to cook with me. And so that night, I had all the feels.
Reflecting on it, I'm still glad I decided to take on this new course opportunity. But I'm especially glad its just a season. That season will pass and I'll be back to being the dad I was once proud to be. I also feel so fortunate that I can make the choice to spend so much time with you, because I know so many others who feel they cannot.
So thank you Zoe for the life lesson you taught me by drawing me on the back of the page. I'm looking forward to being right next to you and mommy soon.
Love, Dad
